lighter.

This is the view of my workspace on a sunny day, when the light hits the window a certain way around 3 o'clock. This silly iPhone photograph does not do justice to the amount of green light reflecting into the gallery space from a piece we have in the window upfront. It's precise moments like this, a break from sorting emails and scrutinizing artist bios for accuracy, to admire the spectacular light filtering into the gallery. It's moments like this where I am humbled.

To be honest, I started off this FWT a little disappointed and incredibly anxious. I had initially been offered a position at an institution which really excited me; but unfortunately due to timing and circumstances out of my control, the opportunity fell through. This moment and the weeks to follow were disappointing. I had finally earned what I had worked so hard for, only to have it fall through my grasp and continue to be the dream it has always been.

But then I found myself sitting behind this desk, the hustle and bustle of Chelsea between 10th and 11th street bustling around me. This is the dream, and I am living it. I am handling work by artists I admire, I am learning more about the politics and logistics of galleries, and I am constantly being introduced to new work and new artists; all of which is exciting. This winter, even in its lowest moments, is deeply humbling. I've met many people who's work and rigor I deeply admire, I attended an intimate opening at the Met last night (and was easily the youngest there), I am attending another opening later this week for artists who I admire incredibly, I am working for a kick-ass Brooklyn artist who has me challenging my own ways of thinking creatively, and I am immersed in the world I have always dreamed of being a part of.

Lately, I am incredibly thankful for// natural light, a weekend spent with family, being invited tot eh Charles Marville opening at the Met, hot tea, M coming to visit for a weekend, seeing the work of artists which I admire, great scores at the Strand, silly interactions with street photographers, running into old faces in this big city, slow meals, good books, perpetuated creativity, and having a few weeks left in this crazy place.

working for a living.

This past week was one of the most challenging, exciting, exhausting, and stimulating yet. Between two full days at the gallery, a very busy opening at Eyebeam, documenting an opening for the Jules Olitski Foundation at Tower 49 and a performance at Susan Inglett Gallery (where I am interning), and a full weekend with the grandparents while Nancy is away on business, I am exhausted and welcoming the snowy weather keeping me indoors today.

The past week was intense and New York City is really proving to be quite formidable. Maybe it's the gray, the sluggish nature of the C train, missing my family, or the constant sirens and swarms of people everywhere, but this week I think I fell a little out of love with New York City, or out of love with the idea I had of the city. Maybe this all sounds more bleak than it is; maybe I am finally settling and am finally living the dream I had built up in my head for so long. I'm working for a kick-ass female artist, a reputable gallery representing exciting artists in Chelsea, and have plenty of free time to explore this amazing city. But I'm missing my studio and the greenery. I'm missing the ability to produce work and the unlimited access to the darkroom. But the struggle I am in is quite lofty and I know that I will be alright. I am just a girl experiencing the city of her dreams, and it is okay to not be 100% in love with all that I am doing all the time. It is just like the work I create. Sometimes it lives within me and sometimes I just need to get away from it. This past weekend certainly helped with that, I was able to escape the city I know for a more relaxed, slow-paced weekend with my grandparents taking in MoMA, Broadway shows, slow meals, and quite evenings in their hotel room. It was the refresh that I needed.

This coming week proves promising as well; two days at the gallery, class on Friday, then the weekend and an opening at the Met with my boy. Everything this girl needs to feel more at home and at place in this big, big city. 

The best part of the past week included: slow meals with my grandparents and their friends, documenting Alejandro Guzman's performance at Susan Inglett Gallery, sampling Pho from various eateries around the city, handling work, a walk on the High Line, lunch breaks with a good book and warm food, the fresh snow, and seeing new parts of the city.

a little more slowly.

This week has been about keeping it local. Memorizing the streets and faces around my own neighborhood. Brief walks past discarded Christmas trees to pick up pho from the Vietnamese place on 110th & Amsterdam. Long mornings spent in bed nursing this sickness with hot tea. This has been my slowest week in New York, so far, but maybe this is what comes with settling.

I did make it out beyond the Upper West Side for work at the gallery last week, mostly sorting through emails, continuing spreadsheets, and updating some artist folios. Even though it is only my second working week at the gallery, I already feel more in-touch with the artists and collection; and it is very exciting to be in with such good company. 

The research I've been doing for Nancy has kept me occupied while sick. Essentially, I've been watching a lot of television and movies, either in full or in clips, and pulling scenes where women are  either defying or subverting female archetypes in very physical, active ways. In the past two weeks, I've had the pleasure of watching Mulan, Resident Evil, I Love Lucy, Bringing Up Baby, Indiana Jones, etc. This research has really excited, but as a result I find it more difficult to watch some of my favorite shows where the woman protagonist is ported as a typical female archetypical role.

Aside from work, getting well, and class (we explored art spaces all over the SoHo on Friday!), I have devoted a large chunk of time to developing my own personal work, and I am very excited to get back into the studio/darkroom in just a month. 

Other bits from the last week include: enjoying large quantities of pancakes, finding two great pho places, spending more time with my film cameras, only having to wait an extra 30 minutes for the Megabus to Providence, attending the most delightful wedding in Boston with M, mapping out some potential ideas for senior work, touring SVA's photo/video graduate facilities, free yoga, and long evening walks in this delightful weather.

grounded.

Almost a month into my internships, and I am finally finding my pace as I settle into various little routines. Late morning walks with hot coffee and a fresh brioche from the cafe around the corner on my days off, quiet walks to the '1' or 'C' train clutching my Canon and latest read (currently: seeing is forgetting the name of the thing one sees by Lawrence Weschler) before heading to the day's coffee shop (typically in the West Village, Chelsea, or SoHo) so I can spend a few hours doing research before taking in shows at galleries near 23rd Street, visiting Walter De Maria's Earth Room, or venturing out to the Brooklyn Botanical Garden. I am enjoying the rhythm of New York City; the anonymity of it's patrons and of myself as I explore and immerse myself in this new space. 

On uncharacteristically chilly days (like the last few); I willingly trade my excursions for afternoons spent researching in the strips of sunlight fleeing through blinds, bottomless cups of looseleaf tea, and winter-appropriate playlists.

My current research for Nancy has me totally elsewhere: island paradises. Currently researching famed islands, whether for historical, environmental, or pop-cultural reasons, my afternoons are spent swimming in the history and images of Lemnos, South Bourgainville, and the Pearl Islands. Though all these places are so far away, everything feels more tangible since arriving in the city. 

With all of the struggles of adjusting to a new space, a new routine, and a new set of responsibilities, there have been so many triumphs. Weeks of online and field research on indoor gardening finally led to the installation of a new lighting fixture in Nancy's Dumbo studio earlier this week. I am slowly becoming more familiar with the gallery and its surroundings. I get lost riding the train less often. I find joy and discover new things in those moments that I am lost (like the most delicious cream puffs while wandering home one night after work). I am constantly searching for and being ambushed by inspiration for my own work and for the work I am doing for Nancy. 

I am extremely grateful to all my professors who made securing my FWT positions possible, my best friend and her family for putting me up for two months, the constant sunshine these past few mornings, slow starts at my breakfast place near the gallery, sunny lunchtime walks on the High Line, being surrounded by great art, the opportunity to see the work of my professors in galleries and museums, and for doing work that I find myself more invested in each day.

well, hello.

these last few weeks have been insane, in every way possible; some days are a dream while other days test my patience. i arrived in nyc straight from bennington, eager to begin my two jobs: working for artist, Nancy Nowacek, and interning at Susan Inglett Gallery in chelsea. nyc has always been the dream, and i am so pleased (and thankful) for the opportunity to engage in a dreamy winter.

i met with nancy on my first full day in the city; learning to navigate the subway alone (and to brooklyn) was a little crazy, but two weeks in and now certain places are beginning to feel like home (or at least i now know how to get myself home, usually). i've always wanted to work with a female artist, i believe that as a woman creating art it is important to find female mentors. nancy is an absolute dream, and the research i am doing for her currently is challenging, exciting, and pushing me to delve deeper into my own personal inquiries as an artist. 

in addition to getting settled into my intern roles, i am enjoying exploring the city and its boroughs, and these are a few of my highlights so far,

conducting field research on indoor gardening at the Brooklyn Botanical Garden, taking in the Roni Horn exhibition at Hauser & Wirth, lunch breaks on the High Line, constantly searching for the best dumplings in Chinatown, constantly confronting Richard Serra pieces (at MoMA and Gagosian), free donuts from the Doughnut Plant, fan-girling over Liz Deschenes' work at MoMA, discovering new artists I really admire (Eileen Quinlan via Miguel Abreu, MoMA, and the Met), being invited to an opening at the Met, finding my way around, and the experience of walking through christmas tree-lined streets around the holidays.